Don’t ask for seconds unless it’s offered. I can’t remember being explicitly taught that rule, but it was part of the etiquette I absorbed as a child when we went to visit other people’s homes for dinner. I usually didn’t have anything to worry about because my mother’s friends were often willing to accommodate a growing boy’s appetite with another serving of mashed potatoes or even a second piece of pie for dessert. However, I did grow up with the healthy perspective that there are situations in which it is good to curb one’s appetite and be content with a little less than one might otherwise want to eat.
Much of Proverbs 23 has to do with the self-discipline of moderation in regard to appetites that can lead to excess, appetites for food, sex and alcohol. In addition, verses 13-15 call specifically for the discipline of children, part of which is presumably to learn the very moderation of appetite which is the subject of most of the rest of the chapter.
Moderation or temperance is one of the classic Aristotelian virtues. It’s also a Christian virtue. One of the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23 is self-control. I Corinthians 9:25 also advises self-control like that of an athlete who tempers bodily intake (the subject is whether certain sorts of food are acceptable for Christians) in order to compete well. Paul seems to lean more toward a counsel of moderation rather than abstention or absolute prohibition, at least in regard to food.
Once again, we find at the center of the chapter a verse which is helpful in discerning the overall spiritual aim here. Verses 17 and 18 say, “Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always continue in the fear of the Lord. Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.” It is out of respectful fear of God’s perspective on our excesses that we restrain ourselves. And there is no need to envy those who indulge their appetites without restraint, for we have a future and a hope that goes beyond our present desires.
Indeed, the Gospel promise of eternal resurrected life in Christ suggests that we will enjoy the opportunity for every good desire to be completely fulfilled. On one hand, since we look forward to the resurrection of the body, it may be that we will enjoy a blessed state when eating what we find delicious does not produce ill-health, and wine and beer and such may be enjoyed without debilitating intoxication and other consequences. On the other hand, we may find that the pleasure we thought we desired from food, drink and sex was in fact a longing for the pleasures which will be given by being in the presence of the Lord, the experience medieval Christians called the “beatific vision,” a direct vision of the beauty and wonder of God’s own self.
As Psalm 16:11 celebrates, “In your presence there is fullness of joy; in your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” It’s that hope in which we find encouragement to moderate other pleasures for now, as we look toward that fulfilled and perfect enjoyment of all that we desire, found in the Lord’s own self.