Why should I forgive? How do I forgive? Whom should I forgive? When should I forgive? These are all great questions and we’ve explored them all to some extent already this Lent. But what exactly does forgiveness look like practically speaking? What do I do when I forgive someone? Is it just a matter of reordering my feelings toward a person or is there something more to it, something that needs to be done?
Our text this week from Ephesians 4:25-32 ends with a call to forgive “as God in Christ as forgiven you.” I’d like to suggest that what goes before is a picture of what is actually done when one forgives, that is, a description of what a forgiving life looks like.
So forgiveness involves speaking the truth (verse 25) about what has happened, letting go of anger (verses 26 and 27), repentance on the part of offenders which involves a turn to honest work and generosity (verse 28), a refusal to speak evil of others and a positive speaking of what is edifying (verse 29), an end of thoughts and behavior which grieve the Holy Spirit (verse 30), again the putting aside of feelings of bitterness, anger, malice, etc. (verse 31), and finally acting kindly toward the person one is forgiving (verse 32).
All of the above are actions which one can choose to take as one seeks to forgive, even those involving emotions like anger. Verse 26 recognizes that emotions have to some extent an uncontrollable component. We will sometimes simply be angry. But we can choose not to sin in our anger, can act in ways that do not spring from anger. That would be one part of what it means to offer forgiveness.
Even as I write this I’m finding fruitful paths for thinking about forgiveness. I can be angry with the person being forgiven while not acting out of that anger in my behavior toward him or her. That means the issue which some raise about forgiveness not leaving a place for righteous anger with injustice (i.e., in racial violence) is answered.
Cultivating a life that looks like verses 25-31, will move us toward the direction which ends verse 32, to forgive as we are forgiven by God. What’s more it will move us in the direction we ultimately wish to pursue, in the first two verses of chapter 5, to be like our God, living with each other in love.
I’ve met people who have held on to anger, and my heart always hurts for them. If they could just let it go, they’d be so much happier.
as a man prone to righteous anger, i can testify that righteous anger can easily become a bad habit.
another aspect of forgiveness is the difficulty of forgiving yourself. “as far as the east is from the west…” inside oneself they are not so far apart.